Saving my kids from the perils of chocolate
JUST when I thought all the chocolate had gone, more has been put in its place.
Since Christmas I’ve been selflessly waging a one-dad war against child obesity. My children.
I squirrelled away all the chocolate buttons and selection boxes that came their way over Christmas and have spent the past five weeks munching through them.
It’s been a hard and mostly thankless task (especially that time I got careless and was spotted by Jacob eating his Lindt reindeer) but it had to be done. They’ll thank me one day.
And it’s had its false dawns. With both sets of grandparents living more than 140 miles away, the boys had quite a staggered Christmas.
Grandma and Grandpa Yorkshire came a few days before New Year’s Eve laden with gifts – and chocolate.
Grandma and Grandpa Rochdale didn’t come up until the second week of January with their gifts. And even more chocolate – most of it half-price in the post-Christmas sales.
We let Benjamin and Jacob have a bit, but then it stuck it all in Daddy’s secret box – which was actually an Asda bag shoved under the bed.
We told the kids it has all gone, which Benjamin swallowed like the 13-month-old sucker he is, but Jacob was more persistent.
He knew there was chocolate to be had somewhere – a notion only strengthened when he caught me with his reindeer.
He never got as far as actually starting to search for it, which was a good job.
He would have thought daddy was an anorexic had he come across the stash bag.
Not far from the truth really, given that every time I looked in the mirror I thought I was getting fatter – which I was, considering the number of selection boxes I was munching through.
My crusade took a massive blow when Grandma and Grandpa Yorkshire called again – with even more chocolate.
From a family member, apparently, who decided they were getting sick of all festive treats in their house and thought the kids might like it.
To this day, the kids don’t know anything about it. It took me the best part of a fortnight to munch through that big box of Maltesers.
The two packets of the toffee chocolate eclairs are in the car as journey sweets, while the half-eaten box of mint Matchsticks didn’t even make the Asda bag.
For more than a week, the house has been chocolate-free – until the weekend, when yet another visitor came a calling with yet another bag of gifts for the kids. Including chocolate.
If I never see another giant white button in my life, it will be too soon.
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Thursday 17 May 2012
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